As I have said in previous posts, I feel very emotional at the moment and the lack of control is really getting to me. I feel exhausted and drained. I haven't explained what is going on and I am not quite ready to do so, but like in my last post (go have a read if you haven't already), I said that life isn't all sunshine and butterflies. It is normal to have ups and downs. Be kind as you never know what anyone is going through.
When it comes to my emotions, I always notice my eating habits change quite drastically. I lose my appetite and some days it gets to the evening and I realise I haven't eaten anything yet. This I know isn't healthy, but our minds can do strange things. I pretty much for the last few months have only had one meal a day, if that. Most days I would say I have half a meal or even just snacks.
I don't have anything to control in my life right now and the things I need to, and the decisions I need to make, are things I am not ready for. I need time. A bad habit of mine that crops up when my mental health takes a fall, is controlling my food and exercise. I am one of those all or nothing people when it comes to exercise and I have always been like this, but when it comes to the times where I do exercise, I often feel the need to cut down my food intake or I feel I won't notice a difference in my body. I become obsessive over this, but am glad I have become aware. This again I know deep down isn't healthy, but is something I am working on. I lost a lot of weight last year in a short space of time and am trying to prevent this from happening again although I have noticed a change in my weight in the past month. I know I could lose some weight, but it needs to be in a healthy way and not so quickly, as it made me unwell and am now anemic because of it.
I am sure I am not the only one though, that when life becomes overwhelming and you lose control in different aspects of your life, that you start to control things such as what you eat or how much you exercise, in hope you feel better. This, I can assure you will only be a temporary fix, and not only that, it can be detrimental fo your health. I cannot talk though, as it is what I am currently working on and going through as we speak.
Another thing I am sure I am not alone with, is listening to your own advice. Even just this week, I have been told a few times that the advice I give to others is great, and that I am so supportive and kind, but I need to listen to myself. Telling others such positive things but not realising the things in my life and how far I have come, for example writing a book and starting up my own little business. It is not just something to brush away, I should be celebrating the s*** out of it. Not to mention the traumatic past experiences I have been through. Also when it comes to your health, and mental health too, I am very good at helping others see the light at the end of the tunnel, telling them how amazing they are and everything, but I cannot seem to tell myself.
Affirmations for today:
I am strong.
I am beautiful.
I am worthy of love and happiness.
(Read these out 5 times with meaning, facing the mirror if you can).
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